Confession needs to be made that I’ve rolled only three-four times in my life, I’ve my friends for this crucial task. My first few weeks in college went into recruiting people and on the very first day, I met him, the master of the art of rolling. BHANDari is every stoner in the world, he is skinny, by which I mean his pointy shoulders are hanging by the support of collar bones of the shape of chopsticks, his Adam’s Apple at the verge of jumping out of his throat along with long hairs, a pair of ever bloodshot eyes and completely blank deadpan face.
In a group of stoners, you can freely be yourself, nobody is going to judge you. Stoners are nothing but free thinking liberal pacifist people who believe in making joints, not war. People fighting after getting drunk; very common, people killing each other after sniffing cocaine; happens every day, Meth heads running car over people; happens very often but have you ever heard of a pot smokers raising his voice at another smoker? The worst he can do is to eat all your nachos and not laugh at your joke.
So grab your pot, ignite the tail and take a shot and enlighten yourself why pot heads make amazing friends:
- The Warm Welcome: Ever since my seniors got to know that I am one of them, every once in a while some guy just appears out of nowhere while I’m walking through the corridor and asks me ‘Bruh, you want some?’
You are a newborn to the community and needs to be fed well, so they babysit you,
they take care of all your needs
and teach you how to remove seeds
or how to identify the unadulterated of em’ all
as well as how to crush the weed
and make sure to update your playlist with Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin,
so you listen to it until your ear bleeds
yes, they are the true-blue allies indeed.
(still a better rap than yo yo who-dafaq Singh)
- Equality: The pot head community is the most accepting one. No matter who you are, from which class, color, caste, religion, creed, species or planet you belong to, if you smoke, they are there for you, always ready to give you a hand in wrapping up 40-45 minutes of visa into a world of amplified sound and distorted vision in a four-inch of Odet Cascadec Ballore (OCB). They enlighten you about the holiness of the sacred grass that is crushed and smoked, the pilgrimages they have done to Manali and Himachal for it, the medicinal benefits and so on, so that you also start to believe that world can’t run without two things; oxygen and weed.
- Innovative: The world of stoners is ever-evolving, long ago Indian Sadhus used to chill in the Himalayas with a Chillum filled with hash, tobacco and of course cannabis. What Red Wine is to Catholics, as what Chillum is to our savage Sadhus. This holy tradition passed on to the younger generations and soon we had a paper entirely dedicated to roll up and smoke, but that was never enough for our parched lungs. Our innovation transcending all the human-made limits that said ‘used coke bottles are of no reuse’ and led to the invention of the most sophisticated of all, the abode of ecstasy, Bong, which looks like a chemistry lab equipment. Made with just an empty bottle, an empty pen tube, a Chillum holder and lots of happiness, Bong is the epitome of innovation and recycling. And my rolling buddies took their innovation and Eco-friendliness a little too far and created history. Never before in the history of robberies a bunch of people broke-in an ATM not for cash, but for cash receipts that ATMs spits out after every transaction. Never before in the history of addiction a bunch of high-spirited guys broke-in a closed ATM at midnight because apparently the ATM slips are thin enough and perfectly shaped.
- Emotionally Available: Some people say that lovers holding hands and walking towards the sunset with broad smiles that says ‘and they lived happily ever after’ is the most heart-touching thing, I say ‘Bullshit!!! Have you ever seen a stoner telling his stoner buddy who is having a BT ‘Sab theek ho jayeega bhaai, acha acha soch!’? That’s the most heart-warming thing man because we men are terrible at expressing ourselves. It is when our lungs are filled with smoke and our mind flooded with triggered dopamine, we behave the most emotionally.
If you want a marry a guy;
ask him when he is high.
(here we go, again a better rap line)