Afternoon sleep was some kind of quotidian ritualistic practice that existed back in the 90s in my town. We used to live in a joint family and coming back from school, I was usually greeted with a sight of dozing grannies and grandpas, with sheets of that day’s newspaper or TV remote by their side. Over here in Delhi, things are different, mornings don’t happen, days are hectic and nights are just full of absolute nothingness. Silence could never reach out to me in my room as there is always some old rusting vehicles passing by or a pack of jackass dogs barking on an intruder.
And in those dark hours of nothingness, I try to accomplish most of the tasks on my To Do List while I’m being lured by the biggest enemy of humanity on the face of the earth, mobile phone. An hour of intense political content writing for my employers, half an hour of reading world news and 10-15 minutes of yawning and twisting under my warm and comfy blanket, I eventually succumb to the pleasure of the dummy social life that Facebook offers. One like here, one comment there, a little chat with an old friend and when I come back to my senses, it’s already 3 am.
“Damn you, Zuckerberg!”
It’s already late and I have to wake up before eight tomorrow anyhow (stupid resolutions) but the alarm won’t work since my phone’s battery is going to die any minute, and I can’t find my charger,
oh wait! Here it is under the blanket.
But the socket near my bed is no longer working so I’ll have to plug it in the other socket, the one that is beside my water dispenser stand far far away from my hands reach…life sucks.
Stepping outside of the blanket after hours is an unsettling endeavor in itself. After 10 minutes I’m back in my bed, I lay my head on my flattened-up pillow and take a deep yawn thinking maybe if I sleep now and wake up at 8, I’ll have five hours of good slumber and I will still be ahead of schedule.
Yaaaaaaawn!
And then this happens, the most terrible bothersome infuriating obligation- nature’s call.
Why dafaq do cold temperatures gives me frequent urges to pee??????
Finally, every requirement is met, it’s already 3:30, I’m in my bed staring at the ceiling, everything is perfect…but why cannot I fall asleep?
Some twisting and turning and changing positions, not helping. Thoughts have started to pop into my head, the useless midnight thoughts…..and they follow pattern, which basically is something like this
WORK – FAMILY- FUTURE – I locked the door. Right? – MEANING OF LIFE- SEX
and the infinite loop of redundant midnight thoughts begin…
‘Why dafaq is content writing so boring? – Why do I do this job? – My father doesn’t like my job – Fathers are rude – What kind of father will I be? – Is Jackie Shroff Tiger Shroff’s real father? – There are too many forsaken kids in this godforsaken planet, no point in bringing more life here- What is the purpose of life? – Why did August Ames die so young? – What are some best sex positions? – ………’
Sometimes my thoughts take a detour and end up at ‘Ghosts, Demons, Aliens, and Monsters that hide under the bed waiting for the kids to fall asleep, and when they do; these monsters come out from under the bed, crack their skull open and devour on their brain’.
It is close to 4:30, no sign of sleep yet.
My phone is charged enough, maybe a little music will help. BIG DELIBERATE MISTAKE!
I once read an article that said listening to music can put you to sleep, only if the song you’re listening to has no words, no lyrics because words evoke emotions and emotions give rise to more thoughts. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
I have a beautiful playlist of such non-vocal instrumental backing music and melody sounds…from Beethoven 5th Symphony to Brian Eno’s Music for Airports and The Thieving Magpie…I tried them all.
I tried YouTube suggestions as well, Ocean Wave sounds, Rain Sounds, Old Wood Burning with Crackling Fire Sound…African Shaman Music…just about everything.
Sleep has not knocked on my head even for once yet.
I’m about to put my phone down and make another attempt to fall asleep when YouTube suggests ‘Afreen Afreen’….Man-O-Man! Who can say no to a little coke studio?
“Husn-e-jaanaan ki ta’reef mumkin nahi
Afreen afreen Afreen afreen…”
And now you’re trapped.
My mind goes…’It’s already five, if I cut off workout and morning tea from the daily routine, I can still wake up at 11 and manage to not stay behind the schedule. Just ten more minutes here on YouTube.’
When I searched about this hassle on Google, I found out that it not a very uncommon problem, actually it’s quite usual for this generation, we’re all sleep deprived insomniacs.
Maybe its just a part of human evolution and gradually we will develop night vision and start hunting at night like other creatures,
or maybe one day one of us will be so deprived of sleep that he will turn into a zombie and start eating his friends. Only time will tell. Speaking of time…
Oh shit! It’s 5:30, I’m late.
Tongue in Cheek 